Come on, Hit me mom!

Today was a school holiday so after sleeping all day he was primed and ready when I got home from work. Unfortunately I worked a ten hour day...

"Hey mom, how was your day, what's for dinner?"

"It was good, how was yours and quesadillas."

He proceeded to tell me about all the things he did during the day in between eating and sleeping.

He eats and then is ready to play. He dances and plays with the dog, we play toss the empty milk jug around, we talk and finally i stop to clean the kitchen.

"Come on mom, I'm bored hit me with something?"

"Devon! I'm not going to hit you with something.."

"Come on mom I'll show you my ninja reflexes" he says

"No!" I reply

He persists "Hit me! Throw something at me!!"

"No!" again I refuse.

He begins to get irritated "Hit me wit something!" he yells.

Then this weird low pitched noise comes out of his mouth."aaaaaaaaaauuuuuunnnnkkk!"

Then again "aaaaaaaaaaaauuuuunk!" and again "aaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuunnnnk!"

"Mom, I'm going to keep doing this until you hit me with something!"

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuunk!" "aaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuunnnnnnk!"

So what's a mom to do? I pick up the empty milk jug and hurl it at him. Well needless to say "Moms still got it, cuz his ninja reflexes weren't as fast as my Chinese throwing jug and I nailed him right in the face to which of course he replies.....

"I can't believe you hit me!" and he stormed off.

Don't worry folks at home, the only thing hurt was his ego!

Scared the Bajeezies out of him

Three months ago.

It was bedtime, I said good nite and sent him off to his room then settled in to a nice hot shower.

After relaxing from my shower I put on my jammies, came out of the bathroom, slid into my bed and snuggled up to my comforter.

A few stretches and a deep sigh later I closed my eyes and began to fall into a slumber. Suddenly I hear a deep mans voice from under the side of my bed say "How you doin?"

I screamed bloody murder! I jumped out of my bed and began looking for the kitchen knife I hide next to my bed.

Oh lord, You hear about this happening to other people but this was happening to me. There is an intruder in MY house!

Still screaming and looking for my knife I begin to hear another sound, and I realize my "intruder" was Laughing!

I turn around and see my son red faced and bent over laughing at the top of his lungs. "You should see your face!!!" he says.

"Devon! You scared the heck out of me" I scoffed.

Still laughing he says "I've never seen you move that fast mom"

He walks out of my room still laughing on his way out and says " ah, that was great! "

I didn't sleep at all that night.

Since then I have been plotting and planning on how I could get him back; but all that went out the window when opportunity presented itself.

It was the perfect setting, Friday afternoon and I left work a little early, traffic was a breeze so my normal 40 minute drive took 15 minutes.

I open the front door and hear the shower upstairs running. A ha! This is going to be good!

I slowly sneak up the stairs as quiet as a mouse and slither into his bathroom.

I inch my way to the shower and count it down 3 - 2 - 1....

I rip the shower curtain back and yell "How you doin?"

Fear and panic took over his face and I hear this loud, high pitched, glass breaking, Mariah Carey high note scream.

"aaahhh hahaha!" I busted out laughing, "You sound like a girl!"

The look of fear on his face quickly turns into rage as he slams the shower curtain shut and says "Don't talk to me!"

Karma is a "B" kiddo and so am I!

...still laughing about that one!

What he wants to be when he grows up.

Sitting on the couch watching HSN and trying to figure out how in the world Snookie from Jersey Shore got her own perfume and more importantly why people are buying it. Oh yes the smell of booze, sweat and STD,s sounds fab! Send me three.

Just as my brain cells begin to swell Devon pops in and says "Hey Ma!" "How much money do strippers make?"

Wait, what? Did I hear that question correctly? I decide to see where he was going with this and replied "Well, I guess it would depend on if they were any good at it ?" ( Ok don't judge me, how else are you supposed to answer a question like that? )

"Ok" he says, "How old do you have to be to be a stripper? "

I mute Snookie and look at him inquisitively. "18" I answer.

Now I have figured out by now where he is going with this but I'm going to see just how far he is going to take this conversation.

A few minutes pass as I sit there open eyed waiting for it and then he says it "Mom, how would you feel if I became stripper?"

I cracked up laughing...on the inside but on the outside I sit there straight faced "Well Devon, it's not the career I would want for you"

"Just listen" he says, "I could do it for a year and save up all the money, I'm sexy so I know I could make good money then I could use it to buy a car"

Now... On one hand I can't help but be proud that he is business minded and planning out how he will be able to afford a car but on the other hand... "Oh hell to the nah!"

How do I get outta this one you ask? "Devon that is a great thought starter but marinate on it for a little while and see If you can come up with a better idea for a starter business. "

"Ok" he says, "I'll be back."

"I'll be here!" I reply.

You know how we as parents always say "kid, you can come to me about anything" yah... Seriously re-thinking that!

Stella aint getting her groove back

So there is this guy in my community, he lives in the end unit and everyday I drive by his house. He is usually outside, most of the time with his shirt off and he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen.

Apparently it's obvious I find him attractive because according to my son I slow down when we drive by and my face gets bright red. Dev has even started trying to cover my eyes or block my view whenever he is outside now.

This is important for you to know as my story progresses.

This evening Dev and I went to my community's gym so I got to walk by his house but he was not outside.

We work out, I do the elliptical, the treadmill, I even do some weights. I realize I'm only thirty minutes in and I'm exhausted... "Dev Im done" I say, "let's go!"

We leave the gym and Dev trails behind me to stretch. As I round the corner I realize my guy is outside. "Oh my" I think to myself, "I look like crap but this may be my only chance to ever say hello." I pull the scrunchie out of my hair, begin to jog as fast as i can so he knows I've been "working out" and I look in his direction.

It was like a movie, his muscles clinching to his Tshirt, his beautiful skin glistening under the light of the moon and in slow motion he looks up and makes eye contact. I begin to smile as I jog by while my lips slowly begin to form the word "hello"...

Before i can get the word out of my mouth Devon comes walking up behind me at a normal pace actually passes me as Im trying to jog and says "Jeez mom you only worked out for thirty minutes the least you could do is actually jog home!"

I hear the guy laugh and I run the entire rest of the way home in shame.

Yeah...Good times, Love that kid!