Hold my ankles!

Sitting on my bed watching TV when Dev walks in. "Mom, I need your help"

"What's up?" I ask . He says "Ok, I am going to test my arm strength". "Oh boy!" I think to myself, "one of us is going to get hurt. "

I ask "What exactly are you wanting to do Dev?". "Just come here" he says and he proceeds to lay down on my bedroom floor on his stomach with his head touching the wall.

"Ok" he says, "I'm going to count to three and I want you to grab my ankles and lift me up against the wall"...

"Devon... son" I explain, "there is no way I can lift you from the floor by your ankles up in the air backwards to prop you against the wall it's not physically possible".

He pauses and I see the wheels turning. He stands back up and says "ok let's try this, I'm going to put my hands on the floor and then you lift my legs up against the wall. "

"Devon, your going to hurt yourself or hurt me" I plead with him trying to get him to listen to reason but he refuses. "Mom come on let's go, just try it" he says.

At this point I realize I will be here all night if I don't let him try so I give in but already know the end results.

Here we go... He bends over and plants his hands on the floor. I grab one ankle at a time and with all my might Barely manage to lift his legs half way in the air when he yells out "Oh God! his arms give out and he lands on his face, meanwhile I am still holding his ankles in the air. " Never mind, never-mind!" he screams, "Put me down!"

He lies on the floor for a few minutes gets up and says "Yeah, that wasn't a good idea!"

Ya think?

A man has his ways...

We are at basketball practice and it's going on hour two. For the past 30 minutes he has been giving me the "drink" hand motion.

He finally comes over and says "mom , I need a drink". "Devon I don't have any money go to the water fountain".

He leaves and comes back "mom I need something to drink the fountain is broke"

"Devon" I say, "I don't know what you want me to do, I don't have any money on me, go in bathroom and drink from the faucet. "

He scoffs at the notion. "you never have any money, you need to start bringing a drink with you" he says and walks off in a huff.. Literally 30 seconds later he walks up to me drinking a Powerade.

"Where did you get that?" I inquire.

"A man has his ways mom" to which I reply "well I need a my light bill paid can you work that out?"

He says "I'll see what I can do"

Mom, it's okay.... I am just smarter than you!

Last nite.

“Whatcha doing Dev?” I asked him as he sat there with pen and paper in hand.   “Homework” (his one word replies are becoming an art form)

“What class?” I ask.  He looks like at me as if I am disturbing him and replies “Algebra”.  Now if I were a smart woman I may have stopped there satisfied that he was doing his homework but no, I continue determined to be an involved parent.  “You need any help?”  I ask him. 

The long sigh of annoyance fills the room, he puts his pencil down and looks me straight in the eye “Mom, no offense but you can’t help me with this stuff, it’s very complicated”.

I gasp in disbelief that he could say such a thing.  “Devon! I will have you know that I took Algebra and passed in high school AND I have a college degree so I am sure I can help you with your little homework assignment.” Humph… the audacity!

“Fine!” He gives in but is clearly aggravated by the disturbance.  He calls out what I have determined must be alien coding or a language from a third world country “What is:  | 3x - 2 | = 8 and | x + 1 | = 1”

A moment (let’s be honest more like five moments of silence) goes by then he says “Mom, you look confused.” 

“No Devon, I am just trying to visualize the question!” 

Panic begins to take over as I realize I can in no way, shape or form solve this problem.

“You don’t understand it do you?” he says.  After a few more awkward moments of silence I admit defeat… “No” I mumble feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

Sensing my shame and humiliation he says “Mom, its okay.   I am just smarter than you but it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  I still need you… and right now I need you to go fix me a bowl of ice cream please so I can finish my homework…”

But I got the last laugh my friends… I didn’t make him that bowl of ice cream!!!

A bird took a Shitake...

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning car ride, the sun is shining the air is cool and crisp when out of nowhere Devon says "Mom a bird took a giant shitake on your window" “Devon!” I respond “don't say that word.” "Mom!” he says, “it's a type of mushroom.”  “Devon just don't say it!” I repeat.  "Fine!" he pauses for a minute and then says to me "Mom a bird took a giant Shih Tzu on your window..."

Get me a Drink MOM!

It’s bedtime. 

From his bedroom he yells “Mom!”  I get up and go to my bedroom door so I can hear him better.  “What Dev?”  He says, "Can u go downstairs and get me something to drink?" “Uh no Dev” I reply and return to my bed. Clink! Clink! Clink! goes the sound of metal.  I go to the hallway to see what the ruckus is and see him standing in his doorway clinking his crutches together.  Mind you he isn’t using his crutches to walk around they just happened to be in his room.

“Dev what are you doing?” I ask.  "Mom please go get me something to drink" I hold my ground. “No Devon, you go get it!” Clink! Clink! Clink!...

I yell, “DEVON!!!!” to which he replies "I got all night mom and plenty of stuff to make noise with"..... I got him a drink!

Best Doctor's visit ever!

This morning on our way to the Doctors office I asked him, did you make sure your socks don’t have holes in them?  “Yeah mom, I got it”

We get to the Doctors office and the nurse asks him to take his shoes off and get on the table.  Nurse exits.  Devon lays down to get comfortable and of course I noticed a hole in his sock.  “Devon, you have a hole in your sock.” And I chuckle because inside I am saying “I told you so…”

He sits up and inspects the hole, turns his sock around so the hole is on the bottom of his foot as to hide it.  He looks at me and says “Don’t say anything!”

Enter, Doctor, Doctor in training and nurse.  Son I need to you lay on your stomach with your feet facing upwards.  As he rolls over the Doctor in training says “Hey!  You have a hole in your sock!” 

Best Doctor’s visit ever!